Ambien. No doubt about it.
just saw an old couple make out...not too sure how I feel about it. though I will admit at one point I was thinking "oh yeah! get that!"
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
We stayed in and smoked weed and watched Dreamgirls. We made each other's vaginal lips sing the songs. Mine was Beyonce, hers was Jamie Foxx. I think this is one of those times you're jealous you're not an awesome lesbian.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
and by clear my head i mean get drunk and cry myself into oblivion.
If eating a cheesesteak naked doesn't make me feel better, then I don't know what will.
They're showing aladdin at the bar my birthday is complete
It's 6 am, I'm drunk, and celebrating the end of finals.Go ahead and ask me where I am...if you guessed a McDonald's playpen then you are correct. Badabababa I'm loving it
I donkey kicked that mother fucker. Never stood a chance.
It was a door. A completely inanimate object, of course it didn't stand a chance you idiot.
He made a playlist to use during sex...that ended with The Ultimate Warrior's entrance music.
There's nothing more awkward than going on a beer run with 3 ten year olds....teacher of the year right here!
He was watching porn and riding a stationary bike in the living room
I have a weird question... did you bite my back last night?
who knew being a fake dominatrix could be so fun?
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