I just ate 3 burrito supremes and a crunchwrap...can't feel feet...I think I have diabetes
Totally saw a hot amputee. I think this is called character growth.
Erin Andrews shaves. She also likes to check out her ass in the mirror. Of course if I had an ass like that I'd be checking it out in the mirror too.
Told a girl i wanted to feel her bellybutton from the inside... I need to learn how to flirt
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
I just tried to light a cigarette with a tube of lipstick. If I had stayed in girl scouts maybe I could've made that happen.
I just woke up with a bunch of French fries in my hand and a chocolate shake balancing on my pillow. Lovely.
Yeah apparently i got lonely because everyone was hooking up so i took matters into my own hands. I woke up on the floor spooning a vaccuum cleaner, a mop, 40 paper cups, and industrial grade detergent.
Dude, you passed out sitting straight up AND in mid sentence last night
Let's just say that the best way to get a girls attention is not to slap her on the ass from the window of a moving cab.
She's cute, but batshit. Like some kind of dominatrix disney princess.
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
He's going to find out eventually, but really what's he going to do? Cry about it and buy another fucking kitten??
ROB LOWE. SO BEAUTIFUL. SO DOUCHEY. SO HARD TO SPELL HIS NAME WHEN DRUNK.
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
Randomize
