your parents love me but you hate me
we're at Rob's house and just invented the best drinking game ever....we are on Chatroulette and everytime we see a dick we all have to drink.
if women knew the size of my dick, theyd be much more receptive to my sloppy drunken advances
Using what I learned in my global terrorism class last semester to sneak booze onto my cruise. thanks college.
Everything was good until you pulled the bartenders hair because she cut you off
I'm doing shots of jagger in dixi cups and making a lesson plan for my 8th grader summer school class. My life is so close to adulthood I can taste it
Your poor dick will look at you and scowl for all the abuse he's going to take this week.
I had the choice between 9 burritos and 1 girl...
And...?
I'm 2 weeks in to my all dick and carb diet and so far I've lost 2lbs.
Well supposedly when the cops came, they say I tried to get them in a conga line like Jim Carrey in The Mask. So....yea
Also mom is not happy about me telling her how much i want the women sprinters on the Olympics to beat me up
Really need a jack off emoji
Who do we write to about that?
Just let me pee on you and I'll leave you alone.
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
Everything is scary i hate being an adult i hate responsibility tell me a dick joke
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