dude i doubt hes gay
I CAUGHT HIM BEATING OFF TO MENS HEALTH!
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
We found him wrapped up in a giant table umbrella in the bathroom.
Why does my jaw hurt?
I may have punched you.
Dropping acid was like seeing the whole world as a blank canvas to imagine anything I wanted.
And apparently all you wanted was to watch the sun explode and me take 60,000 dicks to the face.
Well I'll be shitfaced all day the 4th in honor of this great nation... but I'm down for drunken camping/nature fucking on the 5th
I accidentally flashed three cops last night. Stone cold sober.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
That's pretty intense. There aren't many people I would pick over a burrito
Remember that time you puked in the middle of wendy's?
Yeah, why?
The staff still remembers me for cleaning it up. Thanks for the free frosty and fries
My mom just asked if I wanted a mimosa when I got out of the bath.
I think everything's gonna be okay.
Let me get this straight. You stopped mid foreplay to shave your legs?
Um yeah. I wasn't about to shave them if nothing was happening. And I have HBO. It's not like he's the victim here.
Should I give the penis ring toss game to good will or garbage
You told me that you couldn't come over because you felt like you were gonna die and that houses eat you when you die, and my house couldn't eat you because your house would be jealous. That's when I knew to take the bowl away from you.
Randomize
