when my dick couldnt get hard she said "fly on little wing"
I found your dream girl. She looked 11 but drove and on her key chain it said "if i am not wasted the day is"
My entire life is one complicated drinking game
she had a pic of herself in a bikini as the wallpaper on her iPhone... I'm sensing a Tyra banks kinda girl. shit.
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
It's one thing to send dick shots. It's a whole other thing to send unimpressive dick shots while wearing crocs.
I dont have any paper so I'm writing class notes on my first response direction pregnancy paper. Judging eyes are all around.
Yeah. It's a great diet plan tho. Just have sex every time you get hungry.
Its a sick, sad, world when parents get more ass then you.
Any story that involves the words "bloody hand job" and/or "sliced penis" is bound to be a good one, right?
i woke up with a kayak in my amazon shopping cart with 1 wrong digit on my credit card and the transaction wasn't going through.
Can you tell me why Star Wars Burlesque is pulled up on my phone from last night?
Just got a 15 minute lecture from a drag queen about how bisexuality doesn't exist. Cher would be so disappointed in her.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
Do you ever go take a shit and end up sitting on the toilet for like 45 minutes wondering what the fuck you're doing with your life?
Everyday my friend, everyday.
Randomize
