I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
Wish I didn't live with 3 girls so I could beat off in peace.
You'll be proud of me
Who did you not have sex with
Damn it...you know me too well
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
you think that next time i come over to do this you can pick up the condom wrappers you used on the other girls
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
You should have. Partying with 60 year olds and batman is so much better than partying with bitches our age.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
I fill condoms, not promises.
I've been rehabbing my soul with cheese and wine lately
Okay, I just reached peak living alone
I ate a piece of chocolate cake while jerking off
He asked me to fly out to Seattle to participate in a week of marathon sex so I'm at the airport now. I'll call you when I get back.
They got skeletons in the booths to enforce social distancing.
Thought they were weekend at berniesing that shit at first.
Randomize
