I just woke up surrounded in unopened snacks
oh well we may not be friends on facebook but at least i got laid
you were making out, puked over his shoulder and insisted everything was okay
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Does the whole "it was New Years" excuse apply this year?
I'm drinking and throwing an enormous tennis ball at children. I couldn't be happier.
Typcal friday morning so far. Puke, shower, commute/puke, coffee, puke, coffee, bagel, good to go. Lunch today?
I wish someone would just come knock on my door and fuck me already so that me and my stuffed animals aren't the only ones who see my amazing spring break tan. I'm not getting skin cancer so I can just sit here abstinent.
I had a sex dream. With two guys. And my subconscious decided to put your dick on BOTH OF THEM. If there is a society where that does not mean "I cherish you" I do not want to live there.
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
How early is too early to start drinking when studying for the bar?
He noticed my new Lipstick so later tonight it's going to be on his dick.
Why did you have to tell me he has a hammer cock? Now I can’t stop staring at his pants.
I just sharted for the first time in my life. Age 33. Lying in bed. Sober. 2021 is off to a great start!
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