I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
the hot woman interviewing me is reading jokes off the back of laffy taffy.... I'm getting laid and possibly a job
running late. just ran over a dude on a bike
You couldn't hold yourhead up but you managed to unzip my zipper. That's skill..
Aw c'mon. You have to see if the spinning penis rumor is true.
He kept coming back from the bar with hotter girls and just left with two...I feel like I just witnessed something amaZing. Like meeting Jesus and finding out he has no morals either
I just saw a guy in a sombrero and holding an inflated blow-up doll in all her "glory" get escorted out of the mall. I hate Marley.
Really? And is this the kinda party we talked about earlier?
Yup. It's just me crying in a closet eating soup
Which one of you fuckers thought itd be funny to see if the kitchen table can float.
Is it bad that I don't ask for names anymore? Just added "gold-chain-wearing hotel guy" to my list under "minivan 3way" and "funny-tasting gym guy."
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
I just sent a dick pic to a number on Craigslist, this may be my new low
Well as if this year didn't suck enough already, I can now count 2015 as the year I got chlamydia
My professor is wearing skinny jeans, orange socks and just said penetration. I don't know what to think
Ever get that feeling that you're the back up booty call and half way through securing the fake date excuse to try to get in your pants, the guy hears back from the original booty call and drops the conversation with no explanation?
Randomize
