also, you're talking to the girl for whom "deformed baby arm" wasn't quite a dealbreaker.
Yeah i wasn't gonna go out but then i was like im not gonna get my dick wet stayin at home studying
i just called. the lady was really nice. something tells me my schools clinic gets a lot of calls about chlamydia
You want to move to a city because of their promotional beer pricing
So?
This is why you shouldn't make decisions
Explain to me how it was that you spent the entire night playing pool with three lesbians and did not get a foursome out of it.
Tonight will be judged a success if I walk out without having thrown up on my shirt.
Got stoned and went to Walmart. For some reason a preacher walked up and asked if I knew the lord so I just yelled "I CAN FEEL HIM IN MY VIENS" at the top of my lungs. he left after that.
As long as you don't want to make a shrine out of my eyelashes It's all good
Mom just told me I need to start having sex.
I'm so drunk. Remember me this way.
GUESS WHOSE BEST FRIEND IS OUT OF PRISON!
Somewhere on my work laptop I have a map visualizing all the area codes that Ludacris has ho's
I hope that wasn't done on billed time
I can guarantee that it was
I use my feet as sexual weapons
Just as an add on, don't expect me to wear matching bra and underwear. If I do, I'm probably drunk and it's your fucking birthday. Have a great night.
How’s big weiner McGee?
I’m going to ask you one last time to call him Matt and he’s fine thank you very much
Randomize
