FYI-Owning a kitty significantly lowers your chances of ever seeing mine...
you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
Ryan Ross and Jon Walker left panic at the disco today.
I predict a mass suicide of the 14 year old girl population...
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
we played dirty jenga the drinking edition... some girl really just broke a rib? how do we even go this hard
I meant to thank you again for giving up a potential interracial threesome to come to my party. I'm glad you stayed!
Then his buddy called and said "my car broke down, I need a ride. If I'm not home by midnight they'll extend my house arrest." And I knew it was time to leave.
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
Just heard a 15 minute program on the radio about how cases of gonorrhea in the throat and rectum are skyrocketing in the US. Almost crashed laughing so hard.
Sorry, who is this??
I wanna riverboat gamble on your vaginal waters. Just sayin
Sitting in a music store. There is a 40 something year old guy in a track suit, with a boner, and playing the ukelelie quite intensely.
thanks for thinking of me.
I wish I had a tail.
Why?
...why not?
So learned a new trick last night.... Taking body shots from my own tits... Mom would be so proud
He's a downgrade and it was quick. But it was dick nonetheless.
Drinking is such a hassle. I wish I could just press a button and be drunk.
Randomize
