just cut a line with my blood donor card...i feel like it will help remind me that i was once a productive member of society.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
She said that I needed to "pregame her so it can slip right in."
I'm never telling my kids not to take ecstasy, never. Idk what my mom was thinking.
In the ER. 2nd degree burns. Drunken attempt to make gasoline scented candles.
I can't tell if your life is amazing or needs reevaluation when "did I get hit with a nightstick" is a legitimate question.
He's got a wife and three kids but I'm into being that mistake.
So half of us were already throwing up outside when the Ukrainians ask us if we're ready to start partying yet. I love this country.
He just showed me how to break a chop stick with his ass.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
My New Years Resolution is to get everyone to start talking like a 40 year old douchebag. From now on, you will only refer to me as Chief.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
so it took us like 45 minutes to get into the party.... then when we wanted to leave we were blocked and forced to stay.
....you got kicked INTO a party??
I saved a note for myself but all it said was "am I a slutty Holden Caulfield?"
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
Randomize
