Being alone has allowed me to flourish into a complete weirdo
evidently tequilla and lady gaga make me flirt and grind shamlessly with other men infront of my boyfriend.
I'm pretty sure his head is too big to fit between my legs. Worthless.
I consider it a successful poop when you only have to wipe once.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
whatever happens this semester dont let me be that girl yacking in the urinal. again.
Why are you seriouly talking to me about this when there naked pics of blake lively on the internet? Priorities man...
If this wasn't a work function my tits would be out already.
The waitress just told me I'm asking alot. So far I've asked for a soul, an angel and carbombs
I spent the whole weekend building houses out of popsicle sticks for my bowls. How was your weekend?
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
We let 3 boys take us home and then we woke up in the middle of the night, stole all the coozies out of the house, a loaf of bread, a case of water, a pair of shorts, called a cab, and went home.
Have you ever got so drunk that you tasted the future?
So let me get this straight I was getting drunk with our science teacher from high school and you got drunk with an 82 year old woman who invited you back to her house and made you sandwiches.
Yes.
I should've negotiated that before I sat on his face.
Randomize
