her vagine was all disorganized.
It's really awkward to greet the pastor when I know I've licked chocolate syrup off his daughter's chest.
all i know is that they all tuched my pee cup last night.
Wine + wine + wine + wine + bud light = puke.
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
I do what I can to inject something into your life every day. Today, humor. Saturday. Penis.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
Well, let's see..I held him while he cried for 30-40 minutes, woke up on his couch AND he gave me a ride home in his underwear. Shit show is not even the half of it.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I will no longer accept nudes from you because I met your boyfriend last night and he seems like a nice guy
Ehhh, contemplating pain killers and fruit snacks if that's any indication.
Dude I should have just gone home with the guy with dreads and the cat
the only decorations on the Christmas tree were twinkle lights, condoms, and empty natty cans. I do love a classy holiday party
He took home that trashy slut from Bama but a NFL Lineman was just in my DMs so... who’s the real winner here
there's still a lot i don't remember, like why my iphone's nailed to your wall
Randomize