Please, let me fuck your mom
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
I woke up naked in my own vomit. Not even in my bed. No one is happy.
I usually would've stopped there but I kinda remember opening the bottle of vodka, and we ALL know that's when things go downhill.
On the bright side, nobody died. Please bring me back my left shoe. I have work in an hour.
That dude you fucked three years ago just won Jeopardy
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I had to have my mom pick me up from the party and the windows lock was on so when I went to projectile vomit out the window it wouldn't roll down and it splashed back at my face.
Yeah kinda weird. My grandparents are here for dinner and I'm chilling on the couch close to tripping out on pain killers. My pap asked me how works going and I prettymuch drooled on myself as an answer.
WHO THE FUCK TAGS THEMSELVES AT COUNTY JAIL?!?!
Last night she walked off and disappeared from everyone got home at 330 and said she went to the casino with her cab driver.
CODE RED CODE RED MY VIBRATOR IS BROKEN THIS IS NOT A DRILL
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
last night I used snow as a chaser
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