my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
i mean i'm ok with bufu but if i'm gonna do it it needs to be a mutual agreement, and there are steps that need to be taken. you don't just go OOPS we're doing it now
Don't EVER smell your tampon
Just finished putting caution tape around the tv. Sober me needs to prepare.
what kind of one night stand wants to walk you home in the morning? whole diff kind of walk of shame.
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
I'll always remember you bringing me that pregnancy test in the middle of an ice storm. Best friend ever.
She wants to go furniture shopping for memorial day so we've gotta go portable
thermos full of jaeger bombs?
Affirmative
He managed to crash an entire train of shopping carts into a wall. I think he noticed my implants.
The hair on my legs is officially flapping in the breeze when I walk. I must say, being single does have perks and this is one of them.
Yeah. I found my shirt from last night while walking back to the bar to get my purse/phone this morning. I'm never going to even ask what actually happened. Be glad you moved 7 states away.
I no longer need a flask. I need a canteen.
What kind of sociopath goes to sleep at 9pm when I clearly need attention
He showed up in a Prius. I didn’t even wanna.... So I left.
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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