i wouldnt be suprised if in indian your name meant "walking lie"
Went to bed at 4 in a strangers bed. woke up wearing scrubs, realized i was gonna be late for work so i just wore the same clothes as the day before... i don't have a toothbrush and im pretty sure there is leftover semen in my mouth. at some point i think i was at the beach cuz theres is sand in my underwear. i love newport already.
I am so fucking pissed, there are no Shamwows in the As Seen on TV Store.
Looks like you'll have to stick to jizzing in socks.
Do u kno any dealers?
I've officially lost all respect for you, dad.
I woke up on a futon with 2 stolen budwiesers in my purse, 5 extra bucks, a sucker stuck to my shoe, one sock, and a stolen copy of the zombie survival guide
please tell me this is not legit
its like she was born with a silver dick in her mouth
his tattoo said carpe diem which i thought was ironic considering his epilepsy
Am I really in your phone as Asshole Jesus??
I'm looking forward to the release of my future best seller - "Three Words to Make Your Relationship 100% Better: Surprise Blow Jobs"
P.S. I just made up pleasure scepter for the purpose of that last message.
I tried to celebrate Halloween, Thanksgiving, Hannukah, and New Years all in one night.
dude, last night I won a real sword and a bottle of vodka in a cards against humanity tournament
Then, he ate me out while I watched Bo Burnham. Best. Night. Ever.
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
he said he couldn't believe he just lost his virginity and passed out. what have i done
Randomize
