the only thing i have to deal with now is the fact that i'm still wearing spandex shorts from last night
I think I'm maturing; i was gonna watch porn and then take a nap but i motivated myself to put my laundry in first.
we couldnt find her phone in the morning so i called it and found it under the bed. my name came up as 'regret'
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
I want to see you in more than a weed delivering capacity
she had a concussion and she still scored nine points higher than me on the midterm
What are the signs of a concussion? Please don't freak out.
OH FOR FUCKS SAKE! SOMEONE TOOK ME FOR A GODDAMN PROSTITUTE!! IM WEARING LEG WARMERS!!! THAT IS LIKE THE LEAST HOOKERISH THING TO WEAR!
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I discovered a new stretch mark. DONE. LITERALLY DONE.
I'm gonna go ahead and say I love our drinking habits but anytime we roundhouse a 750 of Schnapps on the way to a non competitive bowling league we might have problems
Before consuming her Waffle House she did a few deep breaths and cleared the table to "prepare herself for this"
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
Yiu ever laugh so hard you stop breathing? Turns out weed -can- kill you.
just put a ruler in a cup trying to measure how much ivve had to drink..... God help me
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