Well you know what I always say about freshmen.... If you want it, and they've got it... get it.
I woke up (not at home) to find out I kissed Ryan Caberra, flashed for free gumbys and carried around an inflatable moose named Johnson. Great success.
i dont have any money that hasnt already been designated for cigarettes and birth control
masturbating is 5million times harder to finish knowing grandma is in the guestroom downstairs. just so you know.
Dont even bother asking why she was dancing with him on top of a door, let alone how the door ended up being used as a table.
He woke up in the ambulance thinking he was still in the club.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
So it turns out rose was the bear hunting girl. Fuck my life
None of those words made sense together.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
This girl just said she was late for class because she was having sex.
I was so high I didn't realize I'd put on someone else's bra. I thought my boobs had shrunk.
Sorry I trained your dog in Spanish last night. At least he listens to someone now.
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
