Fun fact of the day the average american will consume 13248 beers in their lifetime.
So for us it's double that?
Precisely.
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
No stds, not pregs, and lost two pounds. I'd call that a successful two years of grad school.
I woke up with my keys safelty pinned to my thong. It's gonna be a great day.
nothing says 4th of july like teaching grandma how to work a keg
I just realized my life is a timeline of drunken injuries.
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Watching this game makes me realize that we have yet to do Skype shots. What kind of long distance alcoholics are we?
all i know is there's a picture on my phone of him wearing my purple sweatpants and licking the bottom of my foot.
Despite popular belief cocaine is not a good pre-workout
I've made a single handle of rum last like three weeks and my mom hasn't even acknowledged it.
Not my fault people bought me shots. waving a shot in my face is like waving a cock in yours
Can I just buy you sex toys as a wedding gift? Bc I’m here for that and you
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
Randomize
