We are like the golden girls with less cheesecake and more drugs.
We were drinking cognac with TAB. I felt like trailer park royalty.
So how do we make 4/20 better than every other day we are stoned?
the only human I can compare her to is rosie o'donnell.
Should I feel bad that I fucked her and made her ride my little brothers razor scooter home?
the last thing i remember saying is "hope you like body hair"
at the hospital. the stripper fell on his face when she was trying to grab the dollar bill out of his mouth with her ass. broken nose for sure.
marshmallow pipe was a success. so was melon pipe. come try it
just had sex on top of a camper looking at the stars, BEAT THAT.
I'm not gonna lie. The only reason I haven't drank a whole bottle of crown tonight is because we only had 3/4 of a bottle left.
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
For now I'm a single mom monday-thursday and a drunk looking for dick the rest of the week
I promised to leave my panties on but I didn't promise to not have sex
Randomize
