Vegas for my brothers bachelor party. Just landed and I have a boner. I'm giggly and teary eyed I'm so excited.
Sometimes when I see pregnant women, I wonder what position they were in when they got knocked up. Then I gag a little.
I'm not really that drunk, but I think vampires should glow in the dark because otherwise it's just unfair
Found more tequila
Shared a jello shot with her mom last night. then she tucked me in and took of my shoes for me
If she's steering anything, it's a religious boat of crazy. Destination: Iceberg.
Well, on the plus side, the hospital gave me a shirt that says "Makes a bad ass look good"
If I can't get slightly excited by the thought of his face between my legs then I know I can never sleep with him.
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
My nipple piercings are like the guardrails, that's why they feel so safe.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
He just stopped me mid blow job so he could text his wife asking for TacoBell.
I have jizz, in my hair. I'm sitting in class with jizz. In. My. Hair. I need to make better life choices.
You know. You being in a happy healthy relationship is REALLLYY cutting into our drinking alone together time.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Very mixed signals tonight. He gave me the best handjob while gloating about the Superbowl to his dad on the phone. When he was done he left me on the sofa alone for ten minutes before returning with wet wipes beer and nachos.
Randomize
