So his roomate was eating breakfast when I was sneaking out. He's the guy I took home from jessicas wedding. I ended up eating coco puffs with him
Just another sign I need to get out of this town
I may have discovered that porn hub is on my top visited sites during class this morning.
two words: fractured penis. two more: emergency room.
I told you I was good to drive
dumbass I drove... you sat in the passengers seat and steered with a paper plate
all i asked was if it was all the way in, and now im laying here alone. sensitive guys fucking suck
Her little brother walked in right as I was finishing and was like "uhhh hey there's a lunar eclipse outside"
Second night spent with creepy guy. I either need to change his nickname or stop doing this.
I got rejected. By another girl. At a red light. In front of seven shirtless cyclists in the middle of the night. How is that normal?!?
I shouldn't be home alone with this much peanut butter and the dog. I feel like i'm being recorded to see when my desperation will peak.
Just talked to Kate. She said I called her on Friday night. She said I was crying for 5 minutes because we were parked in front of a fire hydrant.
i know i saw many looks of jealousy when i walked solo into subway carrying a cheesy gordida crunch after taco bell closing hours
I'm sure for most of the people, it was the one and only miracle they will see
11% beer and firearms, what could possibly go wrong?
If we were unicorns we would fly together. Like in a pack. A pack of flying unicorns
Today I saw someone riding a horse on the sidewalk by aldi when I went to walmart. Old town road was playing on the radio. It was perfect.
Like honey no, I’m getting groceries while pretending that having sexy talk with you is turning me on
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