im about as happy as oj after his trial
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
It's horrible of you to say your above all this when the bar uses your drunk picture to scare people.
You came back with four clearly unattractive women and wanted to throw a dance party in my room.
Champagne is a vitamin, right?
My life has only gotten better since they built a playground behind the bar
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
We are without power. He took ALL the lightbulbs out and hid them.
I'm going to make "gut the love salmon" a common slang term for sex. Spread the word.
I just fell off a roof. So I'm kinda chillin for a minute.
The quality of my porn watching experience has significantly declined. Thanks shattered iphone screen
Hey can you tell Daniel there's a bottle of Captain Morgan's in the dryer ...
Sorry I think you have the wrong number
Yes it looks like I do
Fuck you and fuck your stupid hat
Just rode a bull topless for a free bar tap for a month
Randomize
