Are you seriously drinking already? It's 11AM. Still morning.
I'm going by McDonald's time. And since they stop serving breakfast at 10:30 and start serving lunch, it is now afternoon.
Oh no. He has the "I'm 30 years old and I just shit myself in public" face.
soo I had sex last night and he wore a condom, pulled out sans condom. we looked everywhere and couldnt find it, even in my vag. so Im in the library at school and I googled it and it gave me "gentle digging" techniques, and sure enough, found it. ew. I'll be purchasing Plan B after class.
He's covered in dirt and enchiladas. We're going drinking now.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
he wears New Balance sneakers on a regular basis, did you really expect the sex to be more than decent?
Do they mail horrible human being awards or do I have to pick it up or what's the protocol on that shit
It feels like the devil is humping my brain with his razor sharp erection.
I think "we've never met sober" is a great relationship to have with someone
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
Like he's moved to LinkedIn creeping on me since he's blocked everywhere else & I'm just so confused does he think I'm going to post daily updates of my life on FUCKING LINKEDIN
Would you be so kind as to inform your husband that my truck is forever cursed by mashed potatoes and it's his fault.
Just found out the last guy I hooked up with is being held in a federal prison under suspicion of stealing 175k.
Theres about 23 grilled cheese sandwiches stuck to my ceiling and tomato soup all over the kitchen. You are never allowed over again. Ever.
Told a guy at the bar I was hurricane evacuees with no place to stay. Just woke up at his place. God bless Florence
Randomize
