you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
dude i just figured out that the tostitos sign is two people eating chips and salsa. being high totally pays off sometimes
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
honestly I asked the same thing when we had our slip n slide and margarita party
In a car. Threw up in my mouth. Haven't said a word in 10 minutes.
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
He walked into the bar right as I was licking the shotglass clean. We made eye contact for way too long..
The stoned girl at the dining hall just handed me a single chicken wing and insisted that she's "unable to procure more rations"
I hate being near you and not being able to do what I want. It's like a recovering alcoholic tending bar. I feel like Sam Malone. Except I can't bang the cute chick I work with.
The worst thing about having to live at your parents again is the struggle to make up more excuses to cover up the booty calls.
I'm not in bed, I'm driving and puking at the same time.... first for everything
I don't need romance, I need cheese sticks
I forgot wine drunk hurts
All I could think about was how many vaginas had been on the toliet that I was pukin in
death, taxes, and me drunk texting you are 3 certainties in life
Randomize
