As a driver I hate pedestrians, and as a pedestrian I hate drivers, but no matter what the mode of transportation, I always hate cyclists.
This hangover is way worse than all my relationships
He told me about his girlfriends trust issues during our post sex spooning
He noticed there was ketchup on his shirt and took it off. Noticed there were people there and put it back on. Then he saw the ketchup again. He must have taken his shirt on and off about 6 times
New swimming pool is best sex toy ever. We are pioneering the doggie-style paddle.
This is going to be BYOBM Vegas trip: Bring Your Own Bail Money.
I knew it was going to be a good night when i heard another girl call his dick "Thor's Hammer"
I have officially tracked lube all over our house on the bottom of my socks without knowing it. Don't slip when you come in
I am just going to stick my boobs out and hope for the best
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yes, I have your ice luge mold. I'll do a prisoner exchange for the beer bong
Sorry for cyberstalking your dad.
Hey did you take a shower last night at like 4am?
"ummm...." (Thinking in my head) wet towel, soaking wet hair, clean pjs on backwards... "that would make more sense then what I thought happened..."
If you're gonna show up unannounced on hangover day, you better have coffee doughnuts and a boner
We just fucked in the park on a bench and a guy with a dog walked past us and the dog walked right up to us while the guy stared at his phone.
Randomize
