i want to bang the Snorg tees girl.. shes always smiling ;)
I'm gonna die fat and alone and all they will find is pizza crusts
I have a new fascination with cutting really small segments of hair off peoples heads when they're not looking.
Is King's over? Or do I still have to say 'On Matt's cock' at the end of every sentence on matt's cock?
Hey welcome to Rick's drunk text tree. Rick is drunk right now please respond with "shut up" to remove your name from this list. Thanks for playing.
He honestly told me my belt was "supercute" when we started hooking up. I would be the girl to find the only straight man in the world that uses the word "supercute".
What bar did i puke in last night
by bar you must mean bars and by in you must mean on
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
We need to make tonight low-budget
Is this your way of suggesting flasks?
I woke up in some kids room and he introduced me to his friends at breakfast as "Monica" so I just went with it.
I opened my eyes to the dog snorting coke, I decided it was best to just close my eyes and forget what I saw
I think I just saw my socks in the parking lot.. gonna keep walking
They tried to get you to drink water and all you kept shouting was, "NO MORE LIQUIDS OF *ANY* KIND."
Randomize