dude, i look like john mccains neck right now
Just found the book "How to Stay Christian in College" on my roommates desk. At a loss for words...
I fucked the bump it out of her hair. just had to let everyone know.
then we talked for a little and he asked my last name which since I have yet to get a fb request I'm 95% sure its for a restraining order
you never realize your highschool teachers are real people till you fuck one of them
I passed out in the VIP room and she charged me for 17 songs until I woke up, theres a bouncer asking me for $700, fuck tequila
Sending me a thank you card for letting you fuck my sister was completely inappropriate
I've started bribing my dorm's security guard with cookies so that he doesn't tell all the boys i'm hooking up with about each other.
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
I had to help him get his zipper down in front of his dad so he could pee in the bushes. That Is what moonshine does to you.
I woke up hugging a box of cheerios that had "wonder woman" written in sharpie on it. So much for a sober night.
We had to go. She called the bartender a thundercunt.
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
Eating chips and sending nudes. This is my life.
Found your brother. He was passed out in the tub holding a bottle of Shatto milk wearing nothing but his tighty-whities.
Randomize
