Even Lady Gaga hates Purdue
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
I sat in the mc D drive thru and refused to move till the chick gave me her number
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I'm drunk at the doctor. It's not that fun. Overrated in fact.
I've had more sex in the two weeks since we broke up than I ever had in any two weeks we were together.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
They need 20 oz Capri suns with liquor. Douches need to grow up with their clients
Are you high?
The snorkel mask makes that pretty clear
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
I know he's not here, but I can still see him. I found some of my old stash and its good shit so its expected to see sunlight at night and scary llama men. Midgets or otherwise.
I am at a new level of appreciation for drunk-you, who threw up into her own sweatshirt pocket last night in the car. Brava.
My dog misses eating marshmallows out of your butt when you're passed out. That bordered on sex abuse, now that I think about it. My bad.
I just don't understand why your parents aren't supporting your dreams of being a medieval weapon smith.
Sex in a tree, bucket list CHECK!
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