She was running around the bar, demanding everyone call her Jesus or else she would attack them like a llama. ack.
I woke up in my own vomit, a chunk of cactus in my thigh, shirtless, with jons mom poking at me with a glass of dr pepper and a talk about god....damn alcohol
I ended up giving him head, i think it was mostly a defensive move so that he wouldn't discover i was wearing those onesy spanx
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
She went home with him because he works at Jimmy John's and his car "smelled like meat"
I vaguely remember walking down the highstreet with a plate of K offering lines to passers buy. I sold a line to a taxi driver.
I been sleeping but occasionally wake up feeling like tiny elves are in my throat ripping my esophagus to shreds with their bare hands.
Somehow, you made that sound extremely magical and not at all painful.
I don't think I'm allowed to have Burger King. What if i just chew for taste and not actually consume. Like a wine connoisseur for fast food
I woke up to my one night stand and he said, "now that's the one to beat"
I'm just blindly tossing my dick into whatever comes my way.
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
should i be that dick who brings a carpet in an uberpool
Why are you moving a carpet?
it's unimportant
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
Well, we went shopping. He bought me starbucks and ate me out in the change room at target. If that isnt the best post covid first date, I don't know what is
Randomize
