There's trophy wives that arent even in the 5th grade yet
Just heard "Kiss Me Though the Phone" for the first time. Amazed how it took Soulja Boy two songs to become a shitter version of Ja Rule.
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
just drunkenly made mashed potatoes at midnight. what have you done for your calorie intake lately?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
The problem with never associating with your roommate is that you never know if they're dead in their room with the door closed or just gone for the weekend...I sprayed some febreeze just in case.
found out that hot proper business chick in my class A) did a bar crawl last 2 night and still showed up to class and B) is 19 and C) so not as proper as I thought D) is single. How the fuck does that work? Freaking superwoman.
Is this like a "I'm taking you out to dinner and treating you with respect" kind of date, or is this a "I'm gonna fill you with alcohol and cheese and stuff my dick in your anus" kind of date?
I woke up at 5:47 in the morning to you peeing on my parents bedroom floor. I think we've established that you have a limit .
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
Look if 10 am was too early to go barrel tasting the winery would not be open.
So he drunk messaged me last night telling me he wants a baby. Think I should call his bluff?
did you just take a shot to penises and friendship?
On a separate note, I just found out some condoms aren't vegan. Problem.
Hahahaha I can't wait for you to ask "wait. are there any animal by products in that?"
rock bottom is drinking straight vodka from a protein shaker, singing one direction and crying alone in your room. exams.
Randomize
