You stood up and started yelling"Free blow jobs!" because you thought people would like you more.
Mars, I'm going to name my child horatio mars. He will hate me till he gets high. Then he'll understand
He's eating a cream cheese sandwich. He's obviously distressed.
im afraid if i stop breathing i will turn into a porcupine
So i think i'm going to frame my summons tickets and give them to dad as a christmas present...
I still have beer shits from last weekend. Dying from dysentary is a real threat at this point.
DOGS JUST TOTALLY ATE THE FEATHERS OFF MY NIPPLE CLAMPS!!!
He tried to tell me that he could handle his liquor better than "all the bitches in this town." AS HE THREW UP. ALL. OVER.
Do you think there are two dudes living in an apartment somewhere that go to the store and call it Brocery shopping?
Oh god...probably.
I ordered more beers for everyone but had to finish them all. I promptly went outside and projectile vomited in the street. Three times.
You can't talk like Dr. Evil to me five minutes after the greatest orgasm of my life.
Good news. His dicks gotten wayy bigger since high school. I love Thanksgiving break.
So apparently being drunk at work isn't allowed.. who knew?
I skipped the handshake and went right for a dickshake I had him minutes after I saw him.
He showed up with a hearse full of beer and is currently shooting pumpkins with a flare gun. Who gives a shit if he's a furry. We need to party with him more often.
Randomize
