My first STD was from a foam party
I boned her and wore a Freddy mask once. It was pretty lol
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
what do people who dont have blackberrys do while they poop?
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
Took an impromptu nap on the floor of a starbucks bathroom using my backpack as a pillow. Please tell me you have been this hungover
Ryan learned the all important lesson tonight; Red Bull gives you wings, Jaeger gives you gravity.
We're at the urgent care down the street from you if you care to stop by
You know it's been a rough year when your therapist mouth is just wide open. And I didn't even get to the real issue!
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
It was the cape. I can't control myself when I wear a cape.
Dude, fate has brought her to your penis.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Like at first he was barely doing anything. So I was like harder and then holy shit he's like going all HULK SMASH on my vagina. I mean it felt fucking awesome. BUT STILL
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