why did i wake up with a kid named Raphael in my bed this morning?
I dont know but you did call last night to tell me you found the last ninja turtle
don't worry, i already broke the ice when i told the story about how i super glued a picture of big bird to my vag.
Hold on, I'm google imaging "vagina close ups" to see if mine match up
I should start riding the bus again so I can drink all day
Yep. Just threw myself a bachelorette party with my coworkers penis before I re-enter the holy order of monogomous relationships.
I refuse to apologize. Any dick that comes that close to my face uninvited is gonna get bit
His hands kept asking for sex, but all I could think was "dude, this is going to ruin my high".
I feel like our relationship should have moved on from you constantly asking if I'm gay
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
he said didn't have much sexual experience and then proceeded to tell me he is going to make me cum harder than my vibrator could
well, that escalated quicky
You started sleep walking, went to my closet, tried to pee on my boots, and when I asked you what you were doing you said "I'm talking to these people about jobs"
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
No, this year you're all getting coupons for things like "no yelling because you had sex in my apartment" or "the last beer."
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize