Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
somethin' about having sex in my parents bed makes me feel like l'm finally an adult.
Just saw a british exchange student take a flyer for free dental care. Yes.
He wore my sunglasses on his honeymoon..... so there's that.
MY roomie made me a chinese name- it's supposed to mean 'the girl of a thousand sins.'
Pierced my own nipple last night, and yes everyone did go absolutely nuts
I have got to stop letting people hang ornaments from my nipple ring.
Tis the season.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
The toilet wouldn't flush at the club so I literally just shat in the garbage.
It would be weird sobbing cry sex.
But can mardi gras accurately capture the essence of my tiny rage?
Laying on my driveway in my pajamas in the sun having my severe hangover cigarette, and the daycare house across the street is having playtime in the yard! I believe I'm currently being what's known as a "bad example!"
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
I'm eating cold pizza from work and drinking beer from a wine glass trying to decide if I want to shower or just rub one out and go to sleep. How have I ever gotten laid?
Because you're really hot before taking the time to actually get to know you.
Randomize
