Someone told me they could tell we were from cincinnati because we say "as fuck" after adjectives
Can I ask u a weird question?
Sure
do u have the hershy squirts too?
Four minutes until I can fart!
well. it's seven AM and i'm too high to hula hoop.
LA Sucks. The only way i can get laid is if i tell people im at a law firm that represent film producers.
And when they figure it out, they act like IM shallow.
If your dick isn't up when i get home you're catching tonight.
Well right now I am watching him use the fire extinguisher off the pourch.
ALSO, bringing a stapler to the bar is a good idea
I'm on the struggle bus
just ordered a number 1 at a fast food restaurant that doesn't have numbers
I should never be allowed to dance around children at weddings. I think I just insured that a 4 year old will be a future teen mom.
seriously, who doesn't want to get shitfaced and have sex to the backstreet boys?
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
We work out, have really intense sex, and then eat cereal marketed for children. We have a system, okay?
Strip Simon Says: DO IT
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
Randomize
