Car fucking is for special occasions like birthdays and bank holidays. Don't want to lose the magic by making it an everyday thing.
is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just saw a denim jacket with the phrase christian cowboy...ridin with the lord under a picture of a cowboy in a sunset. I'm def in mississippi.
Our cab driver just admitted to beating up kids in the 60's who didn't smoke pot...
Found a 10-can wizard staff hidden in our closet. Did we cut someone off?
That's yours. We cut you off.
My wedding band has saved me from at least four cases of herpes tonight.
whoever put homecoming and halloween on the same weekend owes me a new liver and a get out of jail free card.
I woke up this morning in the house, I didn't realize it was physically possible to duct tape a person to the wall...
One huge ass giant mistake followed by celebatory shots and coors lights thats my day in a nut shell
You can't just leave with hair like that
I hoped the great care he put into rolling a blunt would translate to my vagina.
Santa tracker drinking game, you in or what?
If you break up with me one more time it's over.
Periods are much less exciting when you're not sexually active.
Then you screamed in her face to shut up about thick thighs saving lives because actually they can suffocate people during oral sex
Drunk me is very safety conscious And apparently just as annoyed by her as sober me
Randomize
