Please dont jizz on my ds screen.
I'm not sure where but someone shit somewhere in the house
he was playing drums on rock band as i poured bailey's into his mouth. tell me that's not a bonding moment.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
I was hooking up with him and then someone banged on the door and shouted "When you get the chance, will you put the weed on the veranda?"
Lmfao. We asked what you wanted to eat and you said vagina. I don't care what kind. Fresh, barbecue, roasted on a camp fire. I just want it on my taste buds.
I told him that if he cleaned the bathroom, I'd blow him. You could eat off the toilet. Seriously, get over here. This is the cleanest you'll ever see it.
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
All the movies on cable here are either porn or Bollywood. I am never leaving this hotel.
I think I’ve been affected by his dad mustache. I wanna ride it.
He was walking around and kept offering the neighbors flamingo lawn ornaments shots of vodka.
At this point, I would not mind getting hit by a truck. It would mean I could get this over with quicker.
Randomize
