I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
I took an adderall but just ended up meticulously arranging my farmville for hours
His little brother walked in on us. Six times.
How many times can you lose to your mom in beer pong before you can no longer show your face around campus?
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
You'd be surprised at how many crooked penises are out there
I tackled a mailbox like a linebacker. He almost broke his hip and his friend lit a bottle rocket off inside of the car. Yes it was a successful night.
Drank a beer through my butt, how's your initiation going?
Thanks for the morning blowjob. Scientifically proven you can't have a bad day if it starts with a blowjob.
Yo, I totally had forgotten you were CA. Thank you for making my life easier with modern medicine.
I think I pulled a muscle in my tongue.
sorry? thank you? I love you?
We haven't had hot water in our dorm all weekend. Do you know if there is any other way to wash off shame?
Shit. My boss is having me meet and greet with the new doc upstairs. Do you think his doctor powers will detect that I'm still high?
the universe is starting to freak me out.. ive now had sex with 3 people who were born on the same day..
If you wake up, and some of your hair is singed off, it probably has something to do with the lit cigarette you put in your hair. You said it could double as a bobby pin...?
Randomize
