We were sexting and at the end, instead of us having sex, he decided to put "we fell asleep in each others arms."
Hmd? did you really just created an abbrievation for hold my dick?
I have a cup of vodka in my bathroom with a straw in it. Yes, I am ready for this bikini wax.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
You fell out of your barstool, I tried to help you but you said if I got any closer I'd be drinking my meals through a straw, So there you sat.
making out was so insane. it felt like our tongues were paintbrushes made of waves and we were painting an ocean galazy
He let me finish eating my sandwich while I sat his face. I think I'm in love with this little eager beaver.
we broke the bed, curtan rods, a dresser drawer, and unless I didn't notice it before, we put a hole in the wall. This is why he and I have to fuck in motels.
well one of us has to be wrong and it's not going to be me
He said he remembers me...standing on a snowy roof, smoking a blunt, yelling "you're pretty fly for a white guy" at him. Sounds about right.
So far in 2016 I told someone id give them a blowjob for lasagna.
...take a good look at your butthole.... then try matching it to any paint color on the Benjamin Moore color wheel....not gonna happen...
I DONT HAVE A FUCKING JOB RIGHT NOW. DO YOU THINK I HAVE TIME TO WASTE GOING BACK AND FORTH WITH SOMEONE WHOS LYING, ABOUT LYING, AND JUST BEING A LIAR? HONESTLY, YES I DO HAVE TIME. BUT I HAVE A FUCKING LOT BETTER THINGS I COULD BE WASTING MY TIME DOING. LIKE ORGANIZING MY POKEMON CARD COLLECTION.
I JUST AGREED TO GO TO A CHILD'S BIRTHDAY PARTY AT A PLACE CALLED PUZZLE'S FUN DOME WHY DO I HATE MYSELF
My weirdest encounter with a stranger though was when for some reason they just gave me a box of unopened socks. Needless to say, I never used them.
Randomize
