I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
I walked in on my roommate finishing watching something on his computer. There was cum all over his screen. He awkwardly said hi and pulled up his pants.
Every time I hang out with your gay friend, I have to make a checklist of words to look up when I get home. First Google of the night? "Power bottom."
im so hungover...we just watched The Perfect Storm and i got seasick
I left my toothbrush at her house. This is getting way too serious for me.
Someones car got stolen, everyone is yelling, and im drunk just sayin yeah buddy over and over again
I thought I hit my peak drinking in college. Just finished first day on Wall Street. College was nothing.
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I'm just a little drunk right now and I have to work at 3
Omg sara
I ran out of milk and it's hot and I was thirsty
Shitshow foam night was such a success
I WANT MY VAGINA TO POUND AT NICE THINGS.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Oh man 11pm. That means it's time to take my shirt off an eat a brownie
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Randomize
