This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
HE COULDN'T FIND IT! WHAT KIND OF QUARTERBACK CAN'T FIND IT?!
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
I should have known I was in trouble when you started pouring shots all over me
I tried to get you a girl. They want us to cook breakfast though
Lolll I'll be sleeping
I'm practically buying you a 1 way ticket to pound town.
You're the only true friend I have, if true friendship is based off who would be there for me at 4am during a boxed wine crisis.
Makers Mark. Chicken nuggets in a blender. Smart
I think I'm still drunk and I think you were in my dream (sadly, it was not a sexual bill murray one).
I agree though, his intact virginity is truly the tragedy of the century.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
my birth father cheated on his wife with my birth mother. it's literally in my blood to be a home wrecker.
I think I just received the most dignified proposition of my life. From the father of the bride. Who'd have thought.
I woke up with your bra on, and some guys boxers. I'm in a random truck, in the middle of nowhere...
All I want right now is a waffle and some fried chicken and a penis.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
