She hadn't heard about the oil spill. She gave dumb blondes a whole new standard to aim for. I did her anyway...but that isn't the point.
Also, we should really buy some bandaids. Right now I'm using toilet paper and scotch tape, but I don't really think that's sanitary.
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
we came up with a wnba drinking game. take a shot every play that you could've done better. won't make it through 1st quartar
The amount I want to die right now is not proportionate to the level of fun I had last night. Not fair.
She twisted her ankle and paid a homeless guy for a piggy back ride home from the bar.
Two shots of gin says this is gonna be a sloppy lab write up.
you regret 100% of the tequila shots you do take. thats what gretzky meant to say
These bubbles make my penis feel like it is resting on clouds.
YOUR TITS WERE ON THE TABLE.
I'm going to get old and fat one day... probably pretty soon and I'm not going to have any pictures to show to my cats of what I once looked like.
I'm doing the walk of shame into my therapists office wearing his clothes...I guess go big or go home
One of my pillows is missing but it's cool because there is a beef stick.
Oh honey. I will not JUST be drunk. I will be spring break drunk. Spectacularly hammered. It will be glorious for all watching and embarrassing for anyone that has to drag me to bed.
I don't think you understand I turned down McDonalds for you.
Randomize
