I swear to God, I saw my life flash between my legs.
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Found my sandals in your freezer this morning, THANKS
its officail im naming my first born child brickbreaker
Day two of taking my adderall. I just organized the pantry and alphabetized my dvds. I've missed my mind on drugs
i think the date started going downhill when i mentioned how many therapists i have
i am pretty sure she ate my hamster last night. i am thinking this because she left me a note that says she ate my hamster and my hamster is no longer in its hamster cage.
His ankle bracelet went off in the middle of sex. That makes a girl reevaluate her life...
I succsesfully kept my nipples in my dress all night. Even when I got in a fight. I was made for the bar.
Just proved I could salsa dance in a bar where no one was dancing
Sidenote...no idea how to salsa
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
I just remembered I made you punch yourself in the face last night and I would like to formally apologize for that even though it was hilarious.
When you make me feel sane and well-adjusted, it is time to reevaluate your night out habits. Just sayin'.
I kid you not. He let me in into his house, showed me the putt putt in his backyard. Offered to play me.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Randomize
