Needless to say when I told my parents they loved me less
Its not drinking alone if you got Tiger on the Wii.
Only at my house do scrabble games turn into fist fights. I won though... the fight not the board game.
She was sleeping without a shirt so I thought I wouldI sneaked a peek at her nipples..than I realized they were just warts...on her back.
my math professor just wrote "parallel" on the board, but spelled it "pararrel". guess what country he's from
So how was awkward coffee with forgets-your-name?
He managed to light the Jello on fire...
Our whole friendship has just been time foreshadowing my dick in your mouth.
There are pre-booty call contracts for a reason. I have no intention of calling you tomorrow.
Do you need my fax number or something?
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
so gross sitting on a warm chair at a restaurant..you just know a fat person was sitting there shoveling food into their face for hours.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
1. so the new neighbor u called dibs on.. I'm sorry..but not really. 2. She lactates, I guess that happens when you have a kid less then 5 months ago.... WTF!! 3. Is it fucked up I'm craving Ceral & Milk now?
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
RESPOND QUICKLY THIS IS AN EMERGENCY!!! LITERALLY AN 11 INCH DICK!!!!! HELP.
Randomize
