i now have a sippy cup solely for the purpose of drinking alcohol out of...am i an alcoholic?
some girl just asked me how to spell unconscious. I really want to know what she was texting.
guy at the corner shop gets out a bottle of tequilla and a pack of malboro light whenever he sees me through the door. makes me feel loved and cared for
just explained the breakup in detail to my big toes. that consolation brownie was Amazing.
Bring more bourbon. Day drunk just hit another level.
Side note: I think I fell asleep holding a cereal box
What's the over under on catching something from your sister?
For the sake of my mom, I can't sleep with two guys with the same name. She has a hard enough time keeping up as it is
Get up, biotch, before I come traipsing in there to rip apart whatever god-forsaken spoon you have going on between the two of you and your dog.
I used his number to look up his customer information at work. He's no longer saved as Magic Penis in my phone.
It's whatever. Titanic is about to be on and we have wine, which is basically crying juice. Leo, Kate, and I will be having a lovely, pants free evening.
Also, I just opened Google to find the lyrics to California Gurls. Karaoke night did us dirty.
It's not even 8 pm, or Saint Patrick's Day, and Kevin is drunk on my roof humping the air
Well, I just puked in the shower in case anyone wants an update on how my day is going
I gave her a cheerful high five and she turned to me and said, "we should do that with our genitals." I may have to marry this girl.
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