Houston.. we have a drinking problem..
hey can i ask you a kinda weird question?
i know what the question is. yes they are bigger, and no i did not get plastic surgery
After 10 years all I have gotten is one bra pic, at this point I should be able to draw your cervix from memory
i just farted in the library and heard some girl yell it was sulfur gas. can. not. move.
I need a good reason NOT to eat this entire jar of nutella right now
That's why they call him "the cheesegrater".
I just spent the last 30 mins playing uplifting songs to my uterus, & there's no way I'm pregnant.
just an fyi, false alarm on the whole ghonnorea thing. you're safe.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
I made $80 at the club last night by telling him he was like a wild pony and I just wanted to tame him
Jesus fuck that was emotional whiplash
Hungover on St. Patrick's Day. I did this backwards.
I lost my virginity to Adventure Time. DO YOU NOT UNDERSTAND THE SIGNIFICANCE?!
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
wheres my face? and why is my pocket so big?
Randomize
