Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
No, no, no. Fuck you. I took a glass blowing class solely to learn how to make that bong. You shattered it and my dreams in a matter of five seconds.
I almost got away with it until she smelled beer on the stroller.
somebody put my brain in a crown royal bag and beat the shit out of it
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
Nothing says "I mean business" like using a cart at the liquor store.
This is what my life has come to. Like, I may or may not have just stolen pizza from the guy I just hooked up with's fridge when I left...
I tripped while walking across the stage and while trying to pick my diploma back up my flask fell out in front of the dean
Should I be concerned you put your last name in my phone as "danger"?
Just responding to the most professional request I've ever gotten to get shitfaced.
Thank fucking Christ I was not wearing pants or eating chocolate cake last night.
You are the epitome of what awesome would taste like.
We go out and drink, fuck, and I stay the night. He agrees to it because he knows I'll hook him up to IV fluids in the morning. Everyone wins
that guy was staring at your tits.
nah, more like they were staring at him, and his girlfriend, and her less than adequate bosom. they pitied the fool.
point taken, oh mistress of the bosoms.
He told me that he had never gotten a blow job. I sat there for a second, then thought "I MUST FIX THIS!" It was fucking fantastic.
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