My key broke off while I was turning the key. I can't pull the broken key out. Not only am i locked outside, so is the rest of the building.
literally had 100 drinks last night.
can't come out tonight. went to the bar again last night and the bartender hugged and thanked me so much for my "generosity." I'm intrigued but terrified to see my credit card bill.
New first...just saw an entire family of homeless hitch hikers...kids and all. God, i love Oklahoma!
You can come over, sure. But I'll be watching college hockey during the blow job.
THAT DOESN'T MEAN YOU SHOULD LET ME CHUG VODKA.
Ya, found out why there were rat traps in my bed. Guess I pissed in Sams room so he went to the store and got them and put them on my bed and put tabasco in his humidifier and put it in my room
Wow. This hand sanitizer smells awesome. It's like I just gave a handjob to a fruit basket.
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
but there's so much I wanna do before I have kids. like die
Also, I wish we had magnetic nipple rings and our boobs stuck together.
I lost all interest the day she banged that guy in the Amazon parking lot. That's a special kinda whore.
This is the best thing we've done since that time we started a religion
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
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