I was staring at you from my window across the quad. I wanted to let you know so it's not creepy
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
he's like a stage 5 clinger and he won't even fuck me. he has to be gay. my personality isn't really THAT great.
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Great. Woke up in Ts room wearing one sock, a glove and a beret with a sorrority chick CLEARLY out of my league. Jose Cuervo you ARE a friend of mine.
Just say you're the husband at the front desk to get in. She's in room 15 at the ER.
what? who is this?
Dude, the chicks a procotolgy intern. Don't cheat on her. She knows where it hurts the most.
I just don't know the best way to tell him I think I saw him in a porn. I mean I got off to it, isn't there some level of awkwardness there?
Um...It has come to my attention that I may have said some rather vulgar things about Sean Connery to you and anyone listening last night, so...I apologize for that. I meant the things I said. But still. Sorry.
the texts you sent will act as the rosetta stone for all drunk people
Two words: blizzard sex
Can't talk, ducks in the car
did i tell you guys i finally 69’d for the first time last night? just thought the group chat should know.
A dozen naked frat boys in squirrel masks just ran by. Welcome to the official start of the holidays.
Randomize
