Got home from the bar at 4am. 100% sober, unlaid. Epic fail or responsible behavior?
Responsible fail?
capris are just wrong
its like "what can i possible wear to make myself look short and fat? Oh I know!!"
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
Just saw a woman walking a golden retriever and a vacuum down the road. I miss downtown.
Please. Last time I saw him I awkwardly pulled his rat tail until it got too weird
I FEEL like I celebrated someone's 21st, but really I just celebrated Tuesday.
Make way for the handjob queen! She will grab what she wants, when she wants, and from whomever she wants.
I should be a dude... Walking a goat on a rope is a total chick magnet.
It was awful. He had a wife
And now you've had a year of virgin penance. Absolve yourself.
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
There it is. Caramel-coated dick. Someone is getting a yeast infection later.
I think I must have activated my bat signal.... All three of my FWBs contacted me today!
It's such a sad loss when a hot guy finds Jesus and grows a neckbeard
When I met you, I was just like "who the fuck is this drunk chick throwing up on my bed?" But I'm glad we're friends now
You think the guy at the speed wash knows he needs to scrub the vomit off the side of my car?
He knew.
Randomize
