why is there a sandwich nailed to the wall
Roller skating + drunkeness + peeing = mess
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
We got really high and decided it would be a good idea to wash towels in the dishwasher. I left before I could see the final result.
He makes me wish my vagina was bigger... This must be what love feels like.
To sum up. The glass blower from the ren faire ate me out last night. Best ever. Go find yourself an artisan.
I drank it. I drank the beer from '78. I drank my bday beer, I drank my soul
I screamed so bad because I thought he was going for my sandwich forgetting it was in my hand
I vaguely remember hanging my bra off the ceiling fan and chugging a beer during sex
College has turned you into quite the multi tasker huh?
When you finally get laid, I shall make you a trophy out of dildos
I'm pmsing and only have one functional foot
Alas my dad DD'd me. Legit cock blocked to the highest degree
HE LITERALLY JUST PEED IN MY ROOM IDK WHAT TO DO HELP
may or may not have snorted a line of tums... wtf.
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize
