she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
Say "Steve Buscemi is hot." with a straight face.
Bleh. If he hadn't ascended into heaven and sat at the right hand of the father, Jesus would be rolling over in his grave right now.
he yelled "RELEASE THE KRAKEN" then hit me with his dick
you called me in the middle of the night, wandering the streets, in search of "the ultimate burrito"
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
fat chick, vomit on the dog, and three unidentifiable pills in my ear. all in the same ear. what the hell happened after the guests showed up?
She was wearing my robin hood hat from Halloween shouting "steal from the rich and give to the poor, mothafuckaaaaas." We are taking her everywhere.
Chipotle just hit me... I want to go sit in the corner of the shower and cry until morning.
She just broke into my apartment while I was asleep, woke me up and drunkenly tried to seduce me for about 2 minutes, then passed out..
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
Hey I didn't mean to be all lemme get with your ex husband.
coming down from speed on a 5 hour flight home from vegas is not a valid reason for calling off work the next day
so i said i had a yeast infection
If my one night stand asked me to move in with him right after does it still count as a one nighter?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
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