he nicknamed his dick "too big to fail"
Dude totally calling you out on watching when harry met sally on netflix on demand on april 8th.
My weekend will be all about the double d's, desert & debauchery
Just doin' what I do best: sitting in a stall in the class building's bathroom, pondering life and exploring deep, dark corners of the internet before class.
Like I've never seen her that drunk. She's usually like quiet and doesn't say she'll fuck someone on a futon
I met her at the quidditch match. She was the snitch and I caught her. After at the bar she walked up grabbed my hand and said snitches have flesh memories.
We're sitting in the bathtub, eating pizza, doing shots of vvodka and comparing nipples. I havfe never been so comfortable in my life.
He's a 30 yr old man who voluntarily goes by Stevie and his job title is "Jumbotron Operator". There's a 97.5% chance he lives in his mom's basement. STOP THIS NOW!!!
Currently rolling a blunt in the bathroom of Planned Parenthood
While he was going down town Julie brown, I was eating French fries. True Love
In other news, my ex fuck buddy is a surprisingly good wingman.
Literally I woke up the other day and the girl part of me was like “GET CUFFED MOTHERFUCKER” and I went ham on tinder.
I just got through airport security with 5 grams of weed in my back pocket. Either I deserve a metal or the government is slacking
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize