so i know my style isnt the best ever but u should have told me i was wearing two different shoes
No, I'm a firm believer in "Swallow or it isn't love."
There really should be an "avoid ghetto" option on my GPS.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
She compares her life to Teen Mom. She's 28.
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Nothing kills the mood when I am hooking up on the dance floor like the DJ saying Happy Valentines.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
Dude, sorry for live texting you my binge drinking. If you'd like me to do the same for my hangover, I can share that I just had to sit down while q-tipping my ears.
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
I shamewalked barefoot this morning and the Dos Equis delivery guy judged the shit out of me.
you had her IN YOUR BED NO PANTS AND YOU GAVE HER THW BOOT?!?!?!
Stage five clinger bro. had to go.
We need to stop calling him that. I definitely said “Fuck me harder Swizzle Dick“ while we were doing it and it got weird
He should appreciate that I recommend that corkscrew cock of his! I’m getting him laid
Randomize
