My cousin's wedding had personal beer funnels for each table and a drinking game against the bride and groom. im sorry for ever calling you white trash
No, I'm never going to get a job bc I don't know anything about public relations except that Chris Crocker wants everyone to leave Britney alone.
Well I scaled a 3 story building last night to get laid. What have u done for ur penis lately?
You called your ex's vag an "AIDS Pinata". Drunk You is the Hulk Hogan of insults.
Speaking of gay, some dude in a life vest just goes, we should pull our dicks out! To larry. Were leaving now. I saw penis
High Amy loves you. Sober Amy is unsure, but she's not here so fuck that bitch.
So neither of us had a dollar bill and we couldnt find a straw so we spent all nite doing coke through penne pasta
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He'd rather cuddle with his shitty little miniature dog than the half naked girl in his bed. I've lost all hope for him and my vagina
Banged my ex-wife last night...so I belong to that club now.
So by "wait for me" do you think he meant "Don't have sex with random dentists?"
Conference sex doesn't count if the dentist doesn't know your name.
I offered the opportunity to grope my boobs for pints. Two girls took me up.
I met my future wife last night. She's a bombshell from Delaware, hates Trump, and humiliated two old men in a GOP healthcare debate while simultaneously convincing them to pick up both of our bar tabs.
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
