Hawaiian shirts and no dignity
We are always on the same wavelength...kinda eerie.
when I woke up the last searched thing on my phone was "how to make a fireproof dress" I need to stop drinking.
looks like were buying each other an abortion for our one year present...
i told him i was sober and he walked away immediately.
There are bud lights poping out of the zipper of my overnight bag and my dildo almost fell out in the elevator. not professional
you can think of my virginity as your little souveneir from our relationship.
how did my horoscope know i was too hungover to operate a stove.
I'd introduce you to the guys, but you'd probably make them all fall in love with you
I could do with a Floridian man-harem. Let's do this.
I think it's god's punishment for my behavior in Vegas . Lies were told. Angels were defiled. Pools were pissed in
The smell came through my closed door. His farts are made of rendered tires, and apparently, ghosts.
Oh, fuck yeah. I swear I came with every bite. Not even joking. Messiest meal ever.
Wow, thanks for ruining pizza for me. I didn't think it was possible.
Just peed out a window, not entirely sure it's open. Can't tell. I'll find out in the morning.
no it was not a "magical experience". After we dropped, he just sat there staring at my laptop going "apple makes beautiful things".
I DIDN'T WATCH THE PILLSBURY DOUGH BOY PORN!!!!
I’m good. I learned that a guy ate the mushrooms that were growing out of his toilet, so there’s that.
Randomize
