If it wasnt for meatballs I would have fucking killed myself already.
You were running around the house with a purple crayon asking people to call you harold..
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
So I've officially decided that I AM that drunken mistake that girls hate themselves for in the morning.
there are 2 things i love giving: blowjobs & backrubs. how can i tell them that without sounding like a slut
Very hungover, bought a newspaper and found my shorts from last night in the machine.
I had to ask him for the scissors while I was in the shower. My hood piercing was stuck in my loofah.
She looked at my facebook and decided to bump the security deposit up an extra 250...now we have to destroy the house, its expected and I wouldn't want to disappoint
You know its good night when theres makeup smears on the toilet seat
I think I saw maybe 3 ugly girls the entire time we were there
Yea its like that frat house was built to keep fat chicks out of parties
He stood me up and then his cat died. I feel like this is Gods way of saying he's on my side, even after the tequila fiasco.
Just bought shock top, Trojans, double shots and baby oil. At 8 am. While the lady in front of me bitched about her expired coupons.
time to play the game of how much Christmas shopping I can get done before these shrooms kick in
New low: uploading my contacts into Facebook in an attempt to get the name of the girl I brought home last night.
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
