I dont kno what was worse. Waking up 2 a guy next to me thinking I got blackout or realizing it was your boyfriend.
No it only became awkward when she walked in with her new boyfriend and we realized we'd all banged her
He didnt have condoms & didnt trust himself to pull out. Thats when I knew he was a keeper. So I blew him so he knew I was a keeper too.
True romance of the 21st century.
i knew it was going to be a good night when i was bleeding, licked it and it tasted like miller light
Sorry for my penis texting you last night, I can't control what he wants at 4am.
The cab driver thought we were passed out so he called a sexline...
DONT EVER DUNK OREOS INTO WINE . NEVER
"drunk introduce yourself to everyone colleen" came out last night... you kept grabbing guys faces that you just met and just kept saying their names over and over and over again so you wouldn't forget.. then would see them 5 minutes later to introduce yourself again..
Spending 4 hours in the emergency room today tells me that your birthday party was a success.
We dug deep emotionally while eating cereal
No more weed for you
I feel like captain Morgan put his peg leg up my ass
There is someone out there for you right now. And we will find her. Or him. Her. Her, we'll start with tits.
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
Mixing Powerade and white wine has been one of my better ideas.
this dude is way too smart. he just explained to me the different scientific components of drugs while we smoked. i said i loved icecream.
Randomize
