so i used to love airports for the escalators... now its the bars... then the escalators after the bars
My dad just passed me a joint.. this is a turning point in my life.
woke up on my stairs with half a hot dog beside me and the last text I sent was "i make hot dog in toasTer" .
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
I was just on craigslist and saw and ad for a naked yoga instructor. I will no longer be jobless.
I can get head just about anywhere nowadays so that's not much of an incentive, coffee on the other hand...
MY DOG FOUND A BAG OF COKE ON THE SIDE OF THE ROAD!!!!!!!!!!!
AND ITS GOOD STUFF TOO!!!!!! AHHH!!!!!!
Did you eat 9 cans of raviolii last night?
Come on man nobody wants to admit that
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
I feel like i just got chewed up and shit out by a ukranian midget
As pissed as she was, you would've thought I was trying to get back into his pants instead of his booze collection.
I got poked in the eye with a penis last night. How's your day?
My hook-up from last week somehow found me at the club, saw the girl I was trying to fuck, kissed me right in front of her, and walked off.
There was already gay porn open on my laptop with a tiny carrot cake, a bottle of water, and a note saying "I love you, Sober Me."
Drunk me just hits it and quits it.
i just found a pair of your underwear stuffed behind my harry potter books...was that on purpose?
haha no, it was majik
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