Call meee
Ok, but just to warn you, I'm as drunk as a Kennedy right now...
I cant take that shot because i want my penis to stay hard.
Couldn't find any balloons, so we're doing whippets out of condoms. Being a ho has its benefits.
One of those nights had to have been when we tried to walk through the McDonald's drive through -- and then got in the car with complete strangers. And stole their hamburgers.
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
Is this the girl that wrote "Poon Slayer" across my chest?!
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
if i ever get hit by a car or something and become paralyzed promise me youll still be here to hand feed me shots and light my bowls please
you puked in the bathtub and said "let them pee"
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
If I could drink as much and have the amount of sex he has at his age, well I'd probably be dead
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Can't be considered a walk of shame if you pick up donuts on the way home
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
I came home and drank a bottle of wine in the bathtub. I have AMAZING coping skills!!
Randomize
