I'm pregaming with America's Best Dance Crew.
Do a shot everytime Lil' Mama mispronounces a word.
i made the cop pinkie-promise not to arrest me if i failed the breathalizer.
He had an itunes playlist named "def not Glee season 1" which contained all of Glee season 1
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
he told me he had a problem with me going both ways. like what the fuck. what guy says that to a girl? goodbye planned threesomes...
...just for future reference, one Four Loko can fits PERFECTLY in a venti iced coffee cup from Starbucks
you were fixing your hair in the bathroom mirror and then fell backwards through the locked stall while she was in mid pee and fell on her lap.
I can't. I think his penis is about to take out a restraining order against me.
Sometimes while peeing I'll go hands free, put my arms up by my chest and make claw hands, and pretend I'm a new type of dinosaur called Dickosaurus Rex.
Just go read my twitter... There's a play by play. It starts with a penis pump
He put those pics of him with those girls on facebook and tagged his wife in them
Tequila 1 marriage 0
He was so energetic. It was like screwing a bunny.
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Excuse me I just made a hot pocket without burning down the house, I think i can do anything.
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