How did you manage that?
Told her it wasn't GENITAL herpes... just ORAL herpes... on my penis
lol... jersey girls rock
this wart on my finger ripped off while i was fingering this girl the other night. she thought she had gotten her period and started crying so i went with. its better for both of us that way
I woke up this morning peeing out bubbles . I smell like baby wash . What the hell happened .
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Dude just read our convo. Apparently I was talking to you while I was naked. She wasn't happy about it.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
Note to self: the judgement that occurs when unrolling your last 5 which was used to snort drugs the night before, to pay for alcohol before noon on a Monday is worth just sucking it up and taking an overdraft fee.
Wait a min, you had drugs last night?!
I'm not sending you pictures to jack off to. That's not what friends do
My arms are still sore. Apparently, lube wrestling is the best workout ever.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
Sorry. We had to leave because I knocked a guy out for saying "yolo".
I think I should write my liver a thank you note. If it had my work ethic, I would be dead now.
hey, just so we're clear, next time we go swimming drunk at my house, we have to use the floating chairs instead of my mattress. i'm not sure how to get it out of the pool.
Also fucking you night and morning and then serving your parents breakfast is a bit awkward. And funny. To me.
I just shaved my legs via the sink as to not wake my parents up because I know I'll be having marathon sex tomorrow after my certification exam... so this is life after college.
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