Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
my little brother just told me that I should start chasing my vodka with slim fast. genious.
The musician playing at the bar just puked inside his acoustic guitar, then sang an encore performance. I love Louisa!!!!
I dont think punching her boob is the type of reverse psychology that will get her to blow you.
In case you were wondering...putting everclear into a humidifier DOES get you really really drunk.
He just walked up to be, grabbed my boob and said 'i think they have shrunk' i have no idea who he was.
Dude shes not that fat. Plus, last night I probably would've done it too.
I'm tired and starving, and I'm pretty sure I just cost the company 33,000 dollars...fuck you and you're "you'll love going to work high" nonsense.
So I had sex in a bulldozer lastnight now that's definitely a first...
the 5 D's of Dodgeball literally just saved my life
woke up with empty beer can still duct taped into my fists and the word "dove" written on the back of my neck
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
I just ordered a five person drink for myself.... Right about now you should start saving me from myself....
Soon to be ex is nowhere to be found. Her attorney/new BF just showed up. 30 minutes late looking hungover. Pretty sure I'm getting the kids AND the house!
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