When the cops came you just told them you'd go to your time out corner.
The cops walked in to class and arrested 2 guys for possession.
My brain is foggy with friends reruns and him licking hummus off my tits.
One my way home. There was too much fog, strobe lights, and cocaine for my taste.
I am lonely and I want to touch your beard
Note to self don't give these guys your number. I've seen more dick tonight than a proctologist sees his whole career
Commuter bitches be judging your sister and her bag fulla wine. It's a motherfucking rosé, bitch!
Not my type, but the penis looks fun.
last thing I remember was someone walking in on me sitting in the bathtub listening and singing along to Britney spears "Till the world ends" on repeat.
Started the 4th with a foursome. I don't know if it gets more festive than that. #MERICA
Burritos, beer, and hot tub sex. Merry Christmas to me.
I feel like I should treat myself every time I find out I'm not pregnant. Is there a pie company that delivers??
I found dried jizz from last night on my leg while feeding an infant a bottle. I am not fit to care for children
You took his virginity and then he got lost on his way back to his hotel room... We found him at 3am sitting on the sidewalk crying. Kudos.
Just got a handjob in the hospital
A new low.
Randomize