Come get meeee. I'm stranded in the middle of no where with Paul (?). I think u puked on his friend.
well, tey weren't taking lap dances as payment today
I hid a 6pack in the microwave for later
I knew I liked you
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
You were spooning my trash can and I had to crumble cookies on the floor by your face to get you to eat
Her boyfriend only talks to me because I know her period schedule
rolled over to window for cup of snow instead of leaving bed for water. that's how hungover
I really think that guy just walks around with tennis balls in his pocket. No dick is that big
so you know how I brush my teeth after I give you a bj? according to my dentist my teeth have never been cleaner. looks like this will be a recurring thing
I sent him a picture of my boobs instead of saying good morning. I'm trying to tell him how I feel in a language he'll understand.
The cop actually kicked the bitches out of the cab so we could get ours. I flipped them all off as the door was shutting. That drunk.
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
I'm kind of upset that he wanted to have sex instead of watch Harry Potter. I mean it's Harry fucking potter.
we should get together and get drunk.
On a Monday?
don't discriminate against mondays.
2020 sucks, I want a refund
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