Come home. Power Hour by yourself is only fun for the first 10 minutes.
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
I called her new haircut "lesbian progressive" and now she's upset
I was just told that i'm a premature cuddler. . . What does that even mean?
Whatever it is you failed
Me too it's so nice. Debated studying out there but woulda been 90% babe-watching 5% flexing 3% studying and 2% talkin my boners down.
Promise me, at my funeral, you will re-enact our human sledding incident of 2011....you can use my dead body as said sled.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
It was technically 11... But I go by McDonald's time, if they aren't servin breakfast, it's the afternoon. Therefore I can drink
come home. I need you. I'm too hungover to deal with this hangover alone
I've discovered my ability to crush a man's ego is greater than my hate for beer.
And when I feel bad about myself I go to the library and suck my pen over an open book, counting the seconds until a guy sits across from me and tries to get my attention
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Are you opposed to me trying out your penis?
short story short, i just screamed anal seepage in the middle of a diner.
Randomize
