Like my Aunt Merial always says ... big dicks, big dicks.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
every facebook tagged picture of yours, you are either drinking, swimming or drunk in water
What shirt can I wear out that says 'I may have a broken arm, but it's not the one I give handjobs with'?
Whiskey and I have a long and stories tradition of excellence
Your ankle brace is here and the saw is charged. Grab some vodka that cast is coming off tonight.
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
He snapchated me a photo of his penis with the caption "it needs a home".
Imma go take shower so I can cleanly change into my drinking underwear.
Do you know how difficult it is to snap a good dick pic while driving?
just passed a kid drinking a beer at 2pm. clearly it's the last day of break.
Next thing I know her tits are out on my desk. It was straight out of a porno. What was I supposed to do I’m not made of stone
Randomize
