If God's watching us, we might as well be entertaining
He said I was like bonnie and clyde all rolled into one but twice as trashy and 75% less clothes...
He obviously understands you completely.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I don't remember much but I know I looked hot.
moving back to school this early was a terrible idea we already used up our bail fund
Being a slut is okay if you're being a polite slut, right?
u girls! girls! girls! have fun please don't hook up w/ a roadie! Love, mom
Ok, was I really fucked up or was there a chick from Norway in the ice cream shop teaching us Norwegian last night?
...Just between you and me I just did Olympic grade ribbon dancing with toilet paper in the bar bathroom.
It's take your daughter to work day... I really shouldn't be here right now
The token old dude at the show tried hitting on us by telling us his favorite rapper was Cayenne West.
I just passed a kid trying to leave on a lawn mower
CURRENTLY PLAYING FLIP CUP WITH A WORLD SERIES CHAMPION
what a classic moment of my life. A buffet of taco bell and a taser gun.
I mean, he’s listed as “Andrew DC Threesome” in my phone. THATS HOW I REMEMBER HIM! How is that not the start of a fairytale?
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