wanna go halves on a baby?
i just drank the rest of the vodka . Btw why did we put candy corn in it?
Remember that foreign guy who never talked last night? He just came out of my bathroom when I woke up.
That's right. If she can't abide by the rules then she gets booted. It's like survivor booty call edition
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
The cops walked in and cracked up bec he was passed out on the couch in a pink tutu.
I swear to god little potato creatures live inside Belvedere bottles and claw at your throat as you swallow shots.
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
Mike passed out early so we kept filling his mouth with redi-whip and letting the dog lick it out, but he started getting hives so we stopped.
Just saw a rice crispy commercial and got emotional. I need to go home.
Peeing in taco bell cups is part of the fun of going to taco bell
Once again, your first date sounds like something of an epic. Odysseus' Quest for Fourth Base.
He lured me round with the prospect of sex and then made me proofread his CV and spoon. I fucking hate this guy.
I can't come. It's so cold my uterine walls have frozen together like a cherry popsicle.
Randomize
