you dont know how to answer ppls txts anymore?!?
im sorry, i don't get text messages.
One of my students just wrote an essay on how ninjas, like drug addicts, must realize they need help before they can get better...I gave it an A+
Your friends ate a hole through an entire loaf of bread
Dude you has no fucking this poptart
What?
I dont know to explain this.
Just disregard the tooth in the plastic bag in the fridge.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
you started petting my head and said "there there, majestical unicorn. it won't be long before we get you back to neverland."
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
HOCKEY BUTTS AND BASEBALL BUTTS HONESTLY DO SOMETHING TO ME
Also, my old intern Lizzie whom you fed pizza to last night wants to hang out with you
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
He told me I was a good dog mom. I've never been so turned on in my life
I just realized that this is the first time I've ever seen your mom without sucking your cock.
hurry up. it's a friday night and i'm drinking in my office by myself. wearing a stewie griffin costume. the cleaning lady is judging me.
He was a half hour late. His excuse was that his brother knifed him right before he was going to leave. I didn't believe him until I saw the gauze.
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