no ping pong balls so we're playing beer pong with an ornament. you can't tell me that's not festive.
Just found a dugout in my rental car glove box. Suddenly my mood is upbeat.
It was odd. His friends dick tasted the same as his. Friends are beginning to have to much in common
His response today determines what state my vagina will be in this weekend.
Stripper with the black hair and lip rings is still asleep. Found out she wasn't lying when she said she was a squirter, it was like splash mountain.
Just saw a drunk bitch in the west village peeing on a car. You are not alone.
Can't keep a straight face around her after she asked me to "make fuck to her."
I got so stoned last night I thought I was in second grade again
I asked him why I was having sex with him in the middle of having sex. It was sufficiently awkward.
In other news, I just burned my penis
This guy on the tube is sooooooo high. Eyes are bloodshot and he's licking his headphone cords.
Someone stole a lamp last night.
I'M GOING TO DIE ALONE WITHOUT ANYONE PRETENDING TO BE A MARRIED COUPLE WHILE DRUNK AT A MALL WITH ME
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
I smell of tequila and Im going to a funeral. This is my life.
Randomize
