There is a girl getting fingered on my left, a middle aged drink man smoking a bong and two girls flashing the cameras in front of me. I'm in the middle trying to maintain my innocence.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
I love Welcome Back Week...No I wont accept your god but i will accept that hot dog
the girl I was having sex with just mumbled victory for msu during sex. i love basketball season
While I was dancing with him in my foil dress he said, "You're like a Chipotle burrito. Don't worry, that's the best complement you could get from me."
You unbuttoned your shirt and started walking down the center of the road screaming traffic stops for Enrique Iglesias.
I'm thinking we can stop tracking my sex life by the hotels I've hooked up in and instead use bar bathrooms I've gotten head in.
some bitch filled my sink with salsa.
I just want to jump into a ballpool of dicks now.
I've already reverted to sweat pants. And lonely drinking.
You're such an expert partier. I feel like 22-year-old recent graduates should have to intern with you.
I'm a pro at the other 9-5
hell hath no fury like a questionably-gay best friend scorned
I woke up missing my shoes and my left eyebrow. MY. EYEBROW.
I would give a kidney to fuck him and he knows it. That bastard.
You know its a good morning when you wake up with blonde hair extensions in your pocket. . .
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