I've seriously contemplated telling him the baby isn't his just so I can meet Maury Povich
i had a dream that i had so much marijuana that i didn't know what to do with it. i woke up and cried.
if i remember New Year's Eve then there is something seriously wrong.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
He's engaged. If the world's smallest penis can find true love than I can too.
Did you write "I hope this gives you aids" on my box of capn crunch?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
they wouldn't let me take the pitcher of beer on the ferris wheel
He's yummy.
HE'S GAY. AND 40.
Irrelevant.
Haha yeah this costume is worse than I imagined. I look more like a gothic hooker who caters specifically to creepy men with doll fetishes
Come part with me. By you sleep! No fun. Idek feelings Sorry for your life.
I mean like if I stood up my head might pull me down like an anchor
My boob is missing a layer of skin
I hooked up with a blind guy last night... he's clapping in order to find his way around our apartment
You were a cyclone of alcohol and bad decisions - like a gay Tazmanian devil
Randomize
