I will give you vagina for bag of have'a corn chips.
Dude, I just scraped frozen vomit from my rooftop
I really wish I could say this is a new low for you
Ohmy god im about to fuxk my TA. i thyought this was a dream but i love you. <3
The a/c is broken so they cut a softball size whole in the freezer door. Goodbye deposit.
He was very impressed that you could put your hair in a ponytail by yourself while throwing up.
I cant shower it involves moving...
Just lay there and turn the water on. At least rinse off the shame.
I wish your snatch was here
If my snatch could sprout wings I'd fly to you
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
We popped the air mattress last night via sex and we just kept going but it feels like I have a bruise on every vertebrae
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Nothing like putting a Percocet up your nose because you spent your night drinking heavily and can't drink water to make you heavily reconsider your life choices
Guess who just stumbled into work hungover, wearing yesterday's clothes, covered in hickeys and glitter, and carrying a giant bottle of rum in her purse.
I just took plan B at work.
This is the greatest story of all time.
Speaking of dumpster fires, your ex tried to add me on Facebook
I need to get laid. Right now that freshman frat pledge & my Econ professor are the leading candidates
That’s quite a spread
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