Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
literally followed a trail of condoms to the bus stop this morning. Ahh modern-day bread crumbs
You should have been there. We got drunk and threw a sword through his windshield.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
He has a landing strip. I repeat he has shaven himself a landing strip. HELPPPP!
I wish I could walk around this campus with a big stamp that says "Approved" and just stamp girls asses as they pass.
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Dude. I only took a 20 out the ATM last night. How do I have 83 ones?
You stole from the strippers again. I wish I was ninja like you
I don't like sad things. I do like drinking though
I think once you know a guy's chest measurements the stalking has gone too far..
You called me your momma bear, and then demanded more vodka
i had a flashback to you roaring like a dying tiger and then throwing your wallet (maybe?) at the cat in the living room and saying "you're the only adult that lives here take all my money"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Like I’ve seen him completely trashed and I’ve also seen him rip shirtsleeves off with his teeth and I can’t tell if I’m intrigued or not
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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