this girl literally referred to her butthole as her "back pussy"
Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
It was like his mom forgot to breastfeed him and he was making up for lost time.
I just stepped on my own foot and apologized to my shoe... THAT high.
Training to be a housewife: cleaning the house and masturbating while cookies are in the oven.
i was able to set 4 alarms to make sure i woke up in time for class but i couldnt take the open beer out of my pocket before i did cartwheels down the hall...
How am I suppose to fully love you when you cant even open up and try to fulfill my midget fantasy
I feel like the only phrases I can clearly speak while drunk consist of: i'm fucking drunk, chug, and shots
I think I'm allergic to vodka. Or people getting engaged. One or the other. I want to die.
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
In other news my cocaine dealer got arrested for heaving some kid out of a fourth story window.
i woke up this morning put my hand under the pillow and there was a banana there
That's not the problem. The problem is I thought I was over him but he smells nice today.
no offense but you looked like shit yesterday
tequila is unforgiving..
He has an 8 pack! HE HAS AN 8 PACK!!!!
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