i'd be lying to you if i said i didn't just bring up microsoft excel to make an alcohol budget
Someone left a beer in front of your door...there's a note with it that says "peace offering"
Any night you end up on the couch next to the trash can with a bag of white wine on your head is a rough night.
hey tell your friend im sorry for licking his mouth, that was probably inappropriate
Could be my worst decision since the whole 'third degree burn' fiasco.
He came, while we were making out fully clothed. I'm going to write a book.
I'm at the point in my life where I'm trying to get guys I've fucked to give a ride to guys I'm going to fuck.
Every shot buddy I have I end up blowing. I don't know whether this pattern is good or bad.
I just duct taped myself into my costume. I apologize in advance if you find me in a compromised position involving duct tape and underwear when you get home tonight
I mayyyyy have moaned a name that wasn't his
Did you really just reference your penis in a pep talk? I think I may love you more now.
He shit with the door open. I think that means we are in a realtionship.
raging hangover at work with a lunchable dreaming of the sex ill never have. my life is perfect.
You chugged Absolut from a beer bong. Why WOULDN'T you be a champion?
My life is far to together for someone who's such a hot mess inside
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