3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Someone should tell Glenda that I only hang with her because she makes me look prettier.
And then I watched some old guy get arrested for meeting some other old guy for a blow job. It was epic.
Remind me that when I'm pregnant, I should NOT post vaginal dilation updates on my facebook. Ever.
as i creep her facebook pics from back in the day till now, i noticed that her lazy eye has gotten better
He's trying to kill me, one liver cell at a time. It's going to be a slow, but awesome death
Because its an amazing idea and you're the only one I can think of that will allow a pirate threesome
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
Just realized the guy is in my class. Unless there's another guy that had half his ear bit off at a St. Patty's party
The entire time I'm blowing him she's in the back seat lecturing me on the reasons why you're not suppose to do that while they're driving...
If you wanna be a real wingman, create some insecurity and comment on that pic of all the hot girls with "Id do every girl in this pic.. except the fat one".
Drinking hard cider in a room full of freshman girls. Never felt so secure of my manhood
I probably wouldn't
I don't have any soul left to be crushed.
The last thing I remember is being given a cup full of absinthe and deciding I needed to wear my tool belt
You were returned to the hotel by someone wearing a priest costume and carrying knives.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
