On friday while at the hotel bar by myself (creepy) I made friends w/ a millionaire who said he may be running for the position of mayor in richmond va (likely a lie). At one point during our discourse he asked if I was crazy. In the effort of full disclosure I looked him in the eye and said yes
I don't know what prompted his inquiry, clearly this man had impeccable intuition
You paid the taxi driver with a comb last night.
Only you can can turn Jenga into a drinking and then a sex game.
If I don't have herpes this will be the single greatest day of my life
What makeup look will say to the therapist 'I am a smart, well-adjusted young woman'?
I no longer see him as a simple set of male genitalia attached to a very sexy body. The title "trophy fuck" seems wrong. Damn.
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
Well that's the thing. He does want to take me out... To a strip club. I see this going down a very bad road but you know I'm going to go.
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
I try new drugs instead of new boys. That way you can't scold me about the importance of condoms
I'm going to stop at grocery on the way home. I'm CRAVING wine from a sippy cup. We have neither wine nor sippy cups.
I just spilled my beer on a five year old. She's crying but I can promise you I'm more upset.
You can't honestly expect me to maintain an erection when you have the Glen Beck show on
Having sex with my girlfriend wearing my old Tom Brady jersey on the day he's freed is the closest I'll come to a 3way with Tom
I knew it was all downhill from there when the straight vodka I was drinking tasted like water.
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